The Flare Gun

I have a pontoon boat that I enjoy using on Lake Murray.  At the end of each summer I try to make sure to put the cover over the boat. This helps protect the carpet and upholstery from the elements over the winter. Last fall I asked my youngest son if he would cover it after taking it out.  It was early spring before I went and checked on it.  I found it covered with leaves and the upholstery covered with mold and mildew. I decided to pull it  home and park it in the back yard . That way I could detail it when I had time. This was a violation of our homeowners covenants and restrictions.

A few weeks later I decided to give the upholstery a good scrubbing. I was almost finished when I  decided to detail the live well under the seats. I had been a long time since I saw my old flare gun. It was orange and had four shells attached.  I  had never fired a flare gun and decided to see if  it worked.  I assumed it would send up a flare and go out like a bottle rocket. Wrong. This fireball went way up in the air like a rocket, came down like a meteorite, and landed in my new neighbors back yard. Upon landing it set the pine straw in their yard on fire then bounced and started another pile on fire. My wife who was working in the yard heard the shot and came running.  I jumped off the boat and ran pass her toward my neighbors yard. They had just recently installed a pool and enclosed the back yard with a 6 foot fence. I could not scale the fence and ran down the side through my right side neighbor's yard.  This neighbor is my insurance agent.  I tripped and fell flat on my belly in his yard tearing my jeans. At this point my wife had seen the fire though the cracks in the fence and began to yell, "You idiot!" I jumped up and continued racing to the neighbors front gate and was praying that it would be unlocked. I had not even met these neighbors yet and it did not appear they were home. Thankfully the gate was unlocked. When I reached the backyard, my left side neighbor was already there. He witnessed what I had done, is younger and was able to scale the fence. He had already stomped out one fire and came over to help me extinguish the other one. We finally had the fires out when the insurance neighbor walked up. He told me that he would be examining my insurance premiums.

This mayhem event occurred  last spring and last week I finally met my neighbor walking her dog.  Since I had planned to post this story, I confessed and gave her my blog address.

I learned 4 lessons that day:   1.  Always introduce yourself immediately to new neighbors.                      

                                             2.  Tell your neighbors if you set their yard on fire.
                                             3.  Don't live next to your insurance agent if you have mayhem tendencies.
                                             4.  Fire a flare gun only on open water.